The Mirror (Pride. Arrogance. Nasty Conceit.)

NOVEMBER 16, 2009

These were the only words I could find the other night as I described memories of my old self. With four other women, I sat in the presence of the Lord and He brought back my thoughts as a young mother after the birth of my first child. I was 26 and I was filled with pride that he had been born “in” wedlock. [We will not discuss the condition of that wedlock, okay? Let’s just say it was pitiful!] I was filled with arrogance as I compared myself to others who had had children out of wedlock.  What a putrid, nasty conceit! It almost made me sick to think of what a foul smell my attitude must have been in God’s nostrils. The truth of the matter is that even though I had not had a child out of wedlock, I certainly had had sex outside of marriage; I just hadn’t gotten “caught”. 

The mirror of God’s presence can be a place of healing or denial. In His presence, He shows us His holiness and our needy selves. Will I EVER measure up??!! By my own efforts, my answer is surely “No”. But as I accept His forgiveness and I forgive myself, I am able to minister not only out of empathy, but, more importantly, out of His love.
Thank you for the mirror, O Lord. Please continue to show me myself. I want nothing unconfessed; nothing from today and nothing from 23 years ago. I desire nothing that will keep me from being effective in you.
And for the many women I judged in pride, arrogance and nasty conceit, please forgive me. You may never know who you are, but I do. And I am so sorry.